It is 12:39am. Lately, I have not cared that I stay up so late. Not. One. Bit. Like when a child is afraid of the dark, then they hit a point when they suddenly get over it. Now, they are invincible. In fact, they enjoy the dark spaces of life; one will find them hiding in their toy chest or under their bed, just sitting there, perhaps contemplating the joys of life. That's how this is.
So yes, it is late. But lately, this is something I have wanted to do. Start a blog, that is. As I sat on a couch, in probably the grossest place in my dorm room, finishing my application to become an RA, I got a sudden urge to make this blog. right now.
Let me explain AmedeeLiraz. It is a name that speaks to where I am in life. Amedee is French. A language that has a been an on-again, off-again love affair for me this past semester. Amedee means "loves God," and is probably one of the more beautiful names of the French language. If I ever own or love something that is mine alone to name, I will use Amedee. The next name is Liraz. Liraz is Hebrew and it means "I have a secret." I think it's beautiful. Hopefully the full meaning, at least my intended reasoning, for the joining of those two names, will soon be seen.
So here are my, now 12:54am, thoughts. Like I said, I was filling out my RA application, and one of the questions is as follows: "Share 3 life-defining
moments/events and how they have shaped who you are today." I will share one with you now.
I am loved. Deeply,
unconditionally, personally, faithfully loved- by a family.
Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to undermine the love of God. Yes, God loves me. But that is a tangible love. I love I can read about. I love I can see in the deep, profound, and ancient words of the Bible. A solid love that has existed in all of eternity. It will always be here, it will not leave. But the love of the family, that is different. Think about it. How often are families torn apart because they "no longer love each other," or go YEARS without seeing each other because of a deep wound that was inflicted, perhaps by both parties. Some families love each other, some do not. Mine loves me. they always will. Although the love may not always be tangible because they are not always with me. Although there are no deep, profound, and ancient words to affirm their love to me. Although their love only started from the day I existed. it's still there. It's my secret. a secret I cherished so much, I thought I would share it. love should be shared. at least a love like this one.
Still don't get AmedeeLiraz? Allow me to explain. I love God; I have dedicated my life to proclaiming that. Here's my secret: I have secrets. Some of them are worth sharing, some of them are worth protecting; all of them are worth cherishing. Amedee comes first, because my love for God must come first. Liraz comes next, because my self must always be second. My thoughts must be subject to God's thoughts.
And so that is what this blog is about. First, my love for God (Amedee). Second, my love for secrets (Liraz). Not just secrets about myself. But, secrets none the less.
This first post is long. It's 1:22am. Eh, who's afraid of the dark? Not I.
