this is my prayer for my summer

VERSE 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow


the song I copied above is all four verses from a song called "Desert Song" by Hillsong. it's my favorite worship song right now. I feel like every verse is speaking to my life. especially the first two. and the last two. so, yes, the whole song.

but this is where I am at now. the first verse talks about God providing when I am dry. keeping faith in the fire.
the next two verses talk about waiting. praying for triumph in the midst of a battle still raging. remembering that in the end, we are co-heirs with Christ, conquerers because of Him, even though literally the only thing we have is a promise from God.

I also love this song because it ends with hope and purpose. as its starts with prayer in the desert it ends with prayer in the harvest. but it is, still, a call to faithfulness. sometimes it is easier to remember to pray to God when we are dry, than when we have much.
the song is also a call to purpose. a reminder of our task as Christians. what we are given we are to spread. a glass of water is not filled to look pretty. it is filled to be emptied. a farmer does not buy seed to show at the fair. the purpose of the seed is to be planted.

sometimes I feel dry. sometimes I feel like I will be keeping faith in the trials for forever. sometimes I feel like there will never be triumph in this battle. then I sing songs like this and I remember that when I am dry, God feeds me. when I am in trials, the Lord will use it to refine me. when the battle rages around me and I pray for triumph I feel might never come, I know that I am a conquerer with and because of Christ. and in the end Christ is my purpose, the filling comes so that I might be poured out again. and again. and again.

I am ashamed at how often I miss how much refreshment, comfort, triumph, and purpose that is found in Christ.

Help my refreshment, Lord, be only found in You. thank you for your comfort and refining work in my life when I go through trials. when triumph is still on the way, and the battle seemingly has no end, I will rest on your promise that I am a conquerer because of You. when your favor and providence fill me to the top, pour me out again. the seed you have given, I will sow.

when "Jesus" rejects your help...

Matthew 25- literally one of the most terrifying passages in the Bible. for me at least. especially vv. 31-46. I have recorded it below (shout-out to BibleGateway.com )

The Final Judgment

³¹  “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. ³⁴ Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ ³⁷ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? ³⁸ And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? ³⁹ And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ ⁴⁰ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,^[f] you did it to me.’
⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ ⁴⁴ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ ⁴⁵ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ ⁴⁶ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

the most horrifying part of the whole passage is that those who were condemned had no idea they had seen Jesus in need and did not help. this passage sometimes haunts my thoughts and, right or wrong, is sometimes a major motivating factor for helping those in need. why? because if those who were condemned had no idea Jesus was right in front of them needing to be fed, clothed, comforted; how much more those who know? I know. 
  
like I said, this verse sometimes is a major motivator when my world collides with the world of someone in need and I all I want to do is move my world forward. But this past weekend my hermeneutic of Matthew 25:31-46 was shattered; my theology of helping scratched out with red ink, waiting to be conclusively re-evaluated. here was my experience:

I was walking to Chic-fil-A with a group of friends for a last Friday night dinner in Chicago. the school cafeteria had officially closed for the summer so we were all eating out guilt-free (in other words, the mood was light and the company was merry). on the way to Chic-fil-A is stretch of sidewalk usually taken up by a group of homeless people. this day was not any different, especially as the weather had been warm and was still warm, all day. as me and my group walked past the local YMCA I noticed a lady standing, closer to the street than to the building, wearing only white plastic trash bags. I have lived in Chicago for two years now. I have seen a lot. I have never seen this before. ever. 

I walked past her and tried not to stare, but the picture of her standing there, eating a salad (of all the random things) had burned into my mind, even as I tried to shove it out. then Matthew 25:31-46 came to mind and threw a grenade into my heart which exploded and shook me to my soul. what was I supposed to do? help her? what? I broke into a cold sweat thinking about how I had just walked past "Jesus" according to Matthew 25. Jesus, in desperate need of clothing. I thought about the huge pile of clothes I had thrown away a couple hours earlier in a last ditch attempt to make room for books in my summer storage space. I whispered all of these thoughts to my friend Kari who was walking next to me. "what should I do?? I don't know what to do!!" I told her. Kari looked at me and said "if you want to ask her if she needs clothes, I will go with you." encouraged, I said "yes" and we began walking back towards the woman, calling out to our group we would catch up with them in a bit. I walked up to the woman and asked her if she was ok? did she need clothing? I just wanted to see if she was ok...

she looked at me, drew herself taller and said "I'm fine. NO. I'm fine." and turned around.
WHAT?? IS THIS REAL LIFE? <--- (I wanted to scream that.)

as I turned around to walk back towards Chic-fil-A and my group of friends, I struggled to process what had just happened. she said "no." she said she was "fine." my help was not needed. not wanted. not welcome. what I had to offer in the way of any physical assistance had just been rejected. 

Where do you fit that into Matthew 25:31-46? the reader of this passage sees that there are unmet needs among people. the reader sees the needs met by those who fed, clothed, comforted. and when they did this, it was as they were doing it to Jesus; their help was, presumably, accepted. "so," I thought, "Jesus did not want my help?".... "Jesus rejected my help? is that what this means?" Process. Process. Process. I tried to rationalize that this woman was not actually Jesus.....but it didn't help. 

I realized that the passage never says those who fed, clothed, comforted were successful. it says that they were people who fed, clothed, comforted. put forth the effort. went out and did what needed to be done to feed, clothe, and comfort. however, might their help have been rejected? maybe. this experience made me want to quit. what if my help was rejected again? how can I help if they will not take it? 

I realized that the first step is offering help; to try is the first step in serving. I know this was not actually Jesus rejecting the assistance I offered; but the experience rocked my world. when I offer someone food, will they take it? maybe not. if I visit someone in prison, will they be happy to see me? not necessarily. will those who need to be clothed, accept the offer of clothing? no. but Jesus does not say to force it. The passage just says that those who did it, were helped as if their assistance was being received by Jesus. success in this area perhaps should not be measured by if help is accepted. failure does not equal rejection.



because I did not make a difference, does not necessarily mean I did not make a difference.