everything about fall is the best. and since summer is my favorite fall has to be my other favorite.
the crisp, orange, magic, smokeyness of fall feels hopeful and comforting and a little sad at any warmth of summer left behind. the feeling is similar to the feeling one feels upon coming home after being gone a long time.
fall could not have come a moment too soon.
one needs the comfort of fall as one enters into adulthood.
and i am finding that being an adult is a bit like entering into fall. one feels hopeful and comforted and a little sad all at the same time.
hopeful because things in life begin to take shape. you realize that the fellowship program that you applied to and worked so hard to get is one of the most wonderful things of your whole life. you learn what you like and what you don't like. and you learn that you don't particularly like being a cashier (because you are not good and it and thus learn that you must not let your pride dictate what you like or don't like). because when you choose to apply to be a volunteer at the crisis pregnancy center you are doing it not just because it will look good on your resume, but because you are passionate about serving at risk mothers. hopeful because the change happening in your life is showing you a bright future that you get to call your own.
comforted because sometimes you are lucky enough to move back to the town where you spent year 12 -year 18. and you get to spend time with your mentor and babysit her kids, not because you need the money, but because you can to give two of the greatest people a night off. because you can carve a pumpkin in your own home and feel like a kid again. and eat candy till you get sick and feel like a kid again (or feel like you did two days ago because some things never change). because you realize that when you left for school the people who loved you didn't go anywhere, but rather prayed for you and loved you and supported you. and they are still here now that you are back.
sad because, change is good, but some warmth of pre-adulthood may have been lost. some friends are in Massachusetts, some are in Illinois, and some are no longer friends. sad because life is a little less carefree. sad because by less carefree we mean we work during the week... and then on the weekends. a smidgen mournful because, like change makes us hopeful, change makes us realize that somethings are no longer the same and may never be the same. and that's ok.
there's something about fall that inspires one to be hopeful and feel comfort and feel ok about being a little mournful about the loss of the season just passed. adulthood could not have come at a better time.
